Well, I am off to Alaska in my RV. What??? Gas prices are at an all time high. Am I crazy? Of course not. I drive a diesel pickup truck. Whoops, diesel is even higher! Not only that that, but I am hauling my house in the form of a 5th wheel trailer that weighs somewhere around 15,000 pounds. So, maybe I'm a little off center. But, aren't we all in one way or another?

OK - first of all, my apologies to those of you that I owe some sort of correspondence to. Suffice it to say I have been slightly off kilter lately as well as never being a great example of social etiquette! That said, I intend to fix to fix that problem in the very near future.

Girl- you are on my list and you know who you are. Roger, thanks so much for the CD. I have spent hours listening to it as I pass the time on the way to the Last Frontier. To my former classmates that I was fortunate enough to see again after all of those years, I truly intend to keep in touch. Of course, this may piss some of you off, but then who cares at this point in our lives?

Ok - it is now Monday evening and I am in Whitehorse in the Yukon in Canada. I left Vegas last Wednesday and have been on a dead head run since then with a few glitches. I will try to bring you up to date with my trials and tribulations, but at this particular time my head is firmly buried somewhere where the sun doesn't shine. So, I hope some of this makes sense. If it doesn't , please send an e-mail to the editor asking to cancel your subscription!

I manage to get on the road last Wednesday (the 9th). But I immediately notice that I cannot make a sharp right turn as I have a generator in the bed of my truck that is to high to clear my 5th wheel on the turn. OK, 40 minutes later, I have trimmed a piece of metal and I am now really ready to go. Immediately, I encounter an accident on the freeway that delays my departure about an hour. Was the generator problem a way of keeping me from being involved in the accident on the freeway? Wow, maybe a lucky sign!!!!!

Ok - I finally reach Utah. Parts of this state are stunningly beautiful. Nothing exciting happens while I manage to get 570 miles on the odometer. I didn't plan on this, but the last 80 miles were driven because I couldn't find any RV parks. What's up with that? What I eventually find is absolutely gorgeous right on a little lake with fishing for a whopping $20 per night. I would stay more than 1 night, but I am on a mission. By the way, I am already in Montana!!!!!!

Arise on Thursday morning and get going with a little problem. Seems like the valve for the black (poop) tank is stuck. Not a problem normally except that my tank controls are electric, not manual pull valves. Where the hell is the manual control????? Gotta be here somewhere, RIGHT?? MAYBE NOT! On the bright side, it was pretty chilly in the morning and now I know that the heater works. Oh crap, I discover that the trailer tires on the driver's side are wearing unevenly. Gotta get that checked ASAP.

This stuff can wait a while as I need to get on down the road. Well ,at least I got an early start at 8:30. Oh crap, I had a time change and it is really 9:30. Haven't even got started and I am an hour behind. Swell, I'm just a little behind. CAREFUL!!

Thursday night is spent in the quaint little town of Conrad, MT. Get there and find out that the freezer door has popped open along the way and spilled my ice cube tray all over the place. Thank goodness I had 2 ice cube trays available so I could have a cocktail while I cleaned up the freaking mess.

Get up Friday morning and am met with cold, wind and very dark clouds. Is this an omen? Maybe!! It is so cold that my hose is stiff. That is the water hose that I am having a problem with rolling up. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? After all, this is a family publication. YEAH, RIGHT.

OK, Friday morning seems alright, what else can go wrong????

OOOOOPPS, I guess I shouldn't have asked.

Well, remember I need to get alignment fixed because 2 tires are shot?

Whoa - 1 block into town, there is a tire shop. How lucky can you be? Whoops. Seems like they have an 11'6" clearance and I need more than that. Unfortunately, I need another foot. Holly crap!!!! Well, I do relatively minor damage to the rig as I rip the plastic cover from my front A/C, but this idiot claims I did major damage to his AWNING. Sounds like a major case of BS as his awning is made of flimsy sheet metal. I climb on the roof of the rig (as I am still stuck under it) and find out I can bend this crap with my bare hands. This clown wants my insurance info. I provide it to him while he decides to call the local gendarmes. Whoa, this is a civil matter, but the locals show up and run my plates and drivers license anyway. HAHA, I'm still free!!!! Well ,I provide him and the gendarmes with all info and then get on the road as I still need to fix my tire stuff. HAHA! Guess what? I gave him my insurance carrier for the RV which does not have property damage coverage because the 5th wheel cannot do any damage on its own unless being towed by my truck which us a different insurance company. Well, I am now in Canada and need to get in touch with this dufus to see if he has come to his senses. I suspect he just wants a new awning as the existing has been in place since the beginning of dirt! Have yet to hear from this clown and I am now in Canada where the cell phone service is spotty at best and almost non existent in many places. For example, as I write this, I am sitting in the CAPITOL OF THE YUKON and have no cell service.

I digress a little bit, but I hope I only damaged the A/C housing!

Did I fail to mention that I have broken out the FLANNEL SHIRTS!!!!!!!!!!! Last Tuesday I was playing golf in 112 degree weather. Can I come back guys?

Ok, I finally leave the wonderful borough of Conrad and head to the border. Boy, is this fun. It takes an hour and half to clear customs. The drug sniffing dog is extremely friendly and it is extremely fortunate that I have absolutely nothing stuffed in my butt! But, he seems to like me anyway.

Did I mention that my rig has a product called TrailAir on the trailer axles as well as the hitch. This product is fantastic as it makes the towing so much easier.

In entering Canada, I am reminded that I need to find some former math skills as I need to figure out the difference between our system and the METRIC system. I also noticed some signage that I found either strange or amusing. See what you think.

A sign in the middle of nowhere (literally) CAUTION! What!!!!!!

Another one - IMPORTANT INTERSECTION AHEAD- Probably more important than some others.

You gotta love this one - EVERYONE THAT HATES SPEEDING TICKETS, PLEASE RAISE YOUR RIGHT FOOT!

WATCH FOR PEDESTRIANS ON HIGHWAY. What??? Some of these people think they’re cars? Why are they on the highway?

Did I also mention that they have a LOT OF WATER up here? Also, there are very few RVs on the road.

Ok- spend Friday night in some cockamamie spot north of Red Deer which is north of Calgary. Seems like my timing sucks as they are in the midst of running the Calgary stampede. Even if I wanted to go to the stampede, ALL RV parks are filled for miles, er kilometers around. I spent over 2 hours going from one park to another. Just got lucky as this one had a late cancellation. I mean I'm getting off of the road at 9:30 in the evening. Are we having fun yet? OK - at least I know why there are no RVs on the road.

I am not even going to go into all of the crap I went thru in trying to find someone to look at and fix my tire/alignment problem. Seems like you need an act of congress or parliament to get RV service.

Ok, Saturday is relatively uneventful as I fly along continually stopping in the stubborn belief that I will find someone to fix my tire problem. Boy, am I living in a fantasy world. I do spot something really weird, well at least to me. I mean I am driving in the middle of nowhere when I spot about 10-12 cars parked about 30 feet off of the road. Not to weird until I spot the FOR SALE signs on them. That's right. Seems like there is a used car lot in the middle of nowhere. WHERE DO THE BUYERS COME FROM? Oh Honey, I think I want a used car. Let's drive 50 miles out on the highway and see what might be available! Yeah right! Did I forget to tell you that the grass around the cars was almost up to the hoods.

On one stop, I actually notice that I now have one fantastic bug collection. YUP! I look at the front of my 5th wheel trailer and discover all sorts of bugs that have attached themselves in one form or another! COOL!

I forgot to tell you about my trying to keep my front A/C dry (remember, I tore the housing off). I have put garbage bags and duct tape all over what is left of the cover in order to keep the rain from further damaging it. The wind doesn't like my efforts. I finally wind up on the roof with garbage bags, duct tape, bungee cords and a lot of hope. I finally get it covered! WHEW!

The following paragraph makes absolutely no sense if you read it literally. Most of you will get it. But, I'm guessing my son will be the first. That is assuming he is reading this drivel! I'm curious as to who figured it out.

Good ones need ethanol! Saving a limited man or newbie from it should help in no good!

OK- moving on. Saturday is spent just south of Fort St John. I arise Sunday to go to the office to make some phone calls because the cell and internet are still invisible! It is a clear day at my rig. Halfway to the office (200 feet), it is raining. I decide to get on the road as I need to cover a LOT OF MILES today.

I go about a mile or so down the highway and am in fantastic sunshine. Problem is it is raining and there is no rainbow in sight. Seems like SUNday is quickly turning into Rainday. YUP, it continues. I am hauling ass thru this stuff. The good news is it is raining. This will keep my tires cool and not wear them out as fast. The bad news is it is raining. I have a problem seeing the dipsey doodles and potholes in the road leading to potential damage if you hit the wrong dipsey doodle. The road turns out to be pretty good and it turns into a wildlife painting!!!!! YUP, you are not going to believe what transpires..

It starts off really slow. I spot a deer (yawn), elk, deer, and then a herd of Bison (some call them Buffalo). I prefer Bison ever since the Super Bowl between the NY Giants and the Buffalo Bills. NY won 20-19 when Buffaloes field kicker (Ron Norwood)missed a 42 yarder that would have won it 22-20. The kick went wide right just as my entry in the $10,000 squares went because I had Buffalo 2, NY 0. That kick cost me over $2500 and I still haven’t forgotten! GO FIGURE! I renamed Ron Norwood. His new name is Ron Norwoodn't!!!!!

Ok, back to my wildlife. I finally spot a sign warning me of the potential of Big Horn Sheep on the highway. WOW. Not more than a mile away, I spot a CARIBOU! Did you really expect a Big Horn Sheep? Come on, these critters don't read! Another mile further is a BABY caribou. Wonder where mom is? Another 5 miles or so appears 2 young black bear. COOL! What's left? I mean if I see some moose, I can go home. Whoa, ahead there are 2 cars on the other side of the road. It can only mean 2 things - they either had an accident or they are viewing wildlife. There are my moose. Two of them in a pond eating grass. Help, still can't go home as I forgot to get any fish! Well ,kiss my grits, another 6 or 7 miles away, I spot another bear, then another bear. Cool, Then there are 2 herds of Bison. One just resting on the side of the road, the other walking down the MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. Well, Sunday (Rainday) is now gone and I'm just south of Fort Nelson.

Get up early because I have to get to Whitehorse where I'm sure someone will be able to fix this piece of caca!

Get to Whitehorse without any problem on Monday. Find an outfit ready to tackle this problem IN THE AM. COOL. Hookup in an RV park for the evening and get some other stuff done like a little laundry, some shopping and writing this cockamamie letter. Gotta be at the shop by 8:00 AM. Wake up in the morning and find my RV is now in the middle of a mini lake as it rained most of the night. Put on my boots for the 1st time and get to work. Also put on socks for the 1st time (this trip). Oh yeah, last night, I shaved for the first time on this trip. Was looking a little scudsy.

Not gonna bore you with the gory details, but these guys are great and get me back on the road by 4:45 in the afternoon. It is Tuesday. While they are fixing axles, I have to find 2 new tires for the RV. I get them! Here I am in the Yukon and I get the 2 best tires ever made in CHINA!

Just an observation. But these things don't seem to make sense. You figure it out!!!!!!!!

1. While driving thru a rain storm, I came across a slow moving vehicle with flashing lights. It was a street sweeper! Are you kidding? A street sweeper on the Alcan Highway IN A RAIN STORM!
2. It seems like all of the highways are constructed anywhere from 2-10 feet higher than the surrounding terrain. Doesn't sound too bad until you consider the possibility of driving in the winter. YUP, nothing better than sliding off of the icy road and find out you have a 10' climb back on to it. TOW TRUCK!!

OK, bail out of Whitehorse at 4:45 in the afternoon. Get to Destruction Bay located on Lake Kulane at 8:00 in the evening. No problems...

Arise early on Wednesday and get going. HOLY CRAP. The road quickly turns into Destruction Road. I mean there are axle killing dipsey doodles everywhere. It is incredible. It takes so much focus on my part that the drive becomes very time consuming as well as exhausting. Where is my relief driver? I am so focused on the middle of the road that, if I were to see any wildlife today, they will have to be standing in the middle of the road! The good news is that they post little red flags by the side of the road in order to warn you of the upcoming dipsey doodles. Unfortunately, they posted about 348 red flags when they actually needed about 650,000 of them suckers! At least, I am able to help pass the time by scratching some of those skeeter bites I got last night.

The day goes rather slowly due to the road conditions. But wait!!!!!! I have just spotted something very unusual. It is actually incredible. I am trying to build the suspense!! YUK YUK! OK. I spot not 1, but 2 wolves crossing the road about 150' in front of me. WOW! I get the rig shut down and grab the camera. No luck. By the time I am ready, they are gone! But I gotta tell you, they were fantastic. They looked so great that you would swear they just came from the groomers.

Finally made Alaska. Great, can discard that metric crap for a while. The road from the border to Tok and then from Tok to Valdez is a piece of crap. Well, I haven't seen that before! Anyway, I am finally in Valdez and will be planning the great fish capture soon. I will keep you posted....

Unfortunately, this turned out to be similar in length to the 1st chapter of War and Peace. I will try to keep it shorter in the future. Obviously, that means there are more of these coming! Sorry!

Oh Yeah - Did I mention that there is a LOT of water up here????

To Be Continued..........

Bob's August 9, 2008 email
Hi All-

OK - first of all, I have been really, REALLY busy and REALLY lazy also. So, that is why I have not been doing well lately in keeping up on my correspondence. Because of that, this is going to be real short and sweet (I hope).

Best wishes to my Mom and Tony for a speedy recovery for both. Mom actually sounded pretty cheerful when I spoke to her yesterday. For those who don't know, she fell recently and broke her hip. Not good for a lady in her nineties. Don't know what's wrong with Tony (physically that is), but I hope it isn't serious. Oh yeah, you too Lou!

As I figured, no one figured out what that cockamamie paragraph in my last letter meant except for my son. I guess he is wired the same way. TOO BAD for him! If you still have a copy, there is a message in there related to the first letters of each word.

Some have asked for pictures. So a few are included. One of those cute little mooses. 1 of the rig without wheels while stuck in Whitehorse in the Yukon, 1 of the rig on the ferry going from Valdez to Whittier and 1 of yours truly holding red salmon by the Kenai river.

One of the reasons I am late in getting this out is that I created a major snafu plus I have been running into one crazy problem after another. I'm pretty sure I am running around with a curse. But sooner or later, this will pass. If I seem to be vague, it's on purpose. But this will all be cleared up in the next letter after I find the right words to adequately explain what has happened. AAAHHH, the suspense!!~!! Suffice it to say that the trip has been a little crazy, fun, weird and, at times, extremely disappointing! For those who don't know, SNAFU is an acronym meaning Situation Normal All Fouled Up! Or you could substitute another word for Fouled! For those of you that don't know what an acronym is, look it up........

Today is my last day in the states for a while as we head into Canada and will be without any internet and phone services while there. So, I will get back to you in a week or so when we hit the lower 48 once again.

Then you will get some weird and interesting stories. Til then-----------the saga continues!!!!!

Best wishes to all.

Bob

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Bob's August 24, 2008 email
Hi All-

Well, here goes the 2nd edition. The other 2nd edition is really an extension of the first.

First of all, this is going to get weird for some of you and then it is going to get weirder. Before you are done reading this, you will wonder if I have taken leave of my senses. This might very well run the gamut of emotions. Especially depending on whether you be male or female!! Is the suspense building or what????

Ok - some of you have been out of the loop for a while, so I need to get you up to date on the latest happenings before going any further. So, sit down….. Without going into any of the details, after 39 years, Christa and I have decided to go our separate ways.

So, for some cockamamie reason, on the 1st leg of the trip I am in the company of my ex-wife. GO FIGURE! It was strange enough for me that I actually did not mention that Christa was with me in the 1st letter. It seemed to be a little weird for me. Most of the family knew of this, so they were perplexed when her name did not appear in the letter. Anyway, the first part of the trip went rather well. Later on, I will explain what led up to the decision to make this trip together.

We got to Alaska on Wednesday, the 16th of July. As we go thru Tok, I note that it is 72 degrees. Wow, hottest since leaving Vegas. Arrive in Valdez to start the fishing. Oh crap, it is raining.

VALDEZ FACTS - the annual average rainfall is 67", the snowfall runs between 300 to 500 FEET! Are you kidding???? Holy crap!!!!! By the way, you might want to quit reading now because this sure seems like it is going to be longer than the 1st edition. WAR and PEACE - Volume 2 - That description might not be too far off. Chuckle, chuckle---

OK - get up Thursday morning and buy a fishing license and get tackle. Its still raining. Hasn't stopped! Catch a few fish, but the pickings are slim. Later on, we put 8 fish in a 5 gallon bucket and couldn't see them. Last time we were here, I could only get 4-5 fish in the same bucket (nose down) and the tails were sticking out of the top of the bucket. Not only is it cold and miserable, but these fish are running 2-3 pounds while last time they ran 4-6 pounds. Really an early run. Some of these salmon migrate back to the fresh water on varying patterns. This keeps them from getting involved in a large system of incest! HA! Some return to their spawning waters anywhere from 2 to 5 years after hitting the ocean. Boy, are these guys confused. I mean, after all, they swim hundreds, sometimes thousands of miles to get laid and then DIE! WHY BOTHER!!!!! Yeah, I know Deano, might as well go buy them at the market! Oh yeah, Rog, will send pics thru the mail. Got lots! Tjelda, sorry, I still owe you a CD. As soon as I get back. PROMISE! Best wishes Doug, keep up the good fight.

Personal messages stopped for now!

Alright - get up Friday morning ready to knock them dead. Its still RAINING!!!! WHAT THE ^%^%$#@@$&&^^????? Anyway, head out to the point to get some fish. Hell ,the freezer is lonely!

Did I mention they get 67 inches of rain annually? Why does it all seem to be coming down this week?

Head down the slope trying to save some hiking. The tide is low and it is still RAINING. The rocks I must traverse are still slippery, large and steep. Why the hell am I all of a sudden looking at the sky.? OH CRAP! It seems like you might encounter that phrase quite a few times!!! Well, I landed firmly on my keister. Not to much damage done as there is some padding there. The problem is I slammed my elbow on a rock. OUUUCCCHHHH! Hope it isn't broken! I decide this is a stupid path to the water and retreat to surer footing. Now I have a throbbing elbow and still haven’t caught a fish today. By the way, is keister still a word? My spell check doesn't seem to like it no matter how I spell it! Keister, keester, kiester??? Get skunked on the fish and go back to the rig for lunch.

After lunch, I meander down to the docks. Some guy is fishing from the docks and catching salmon. WHAT!!??? I've been driving 25 miles round trip only to find out there are fish in the harbor. The harbor is 200 yards from the RV. An hour later or so, we have landed 7 fish. While cleaning them, some guy starts taking my picture. I inform him that is not allowed as I am in the witness protection program. Lots of laughs from other people that are watching, but this guy doesn't crack a smile. Turns out, he doesn't speak English. Hah, the jokes on me.

Did I mention that it's cold and miserable? Average temp is in the mid 40s (Fahrenheit!).

On Saturday, we get a break in the weather. The fishing in the harbor has slowed dramatically. So, we head to the point. The fish start to cooperate a little bit better. While trying to land a fish, I take a step a little to far and wind up with a gallon or so of water in my knee boot. Ah, so refreshing to have one foot on ice or so it seems. I have incurred all sorts of cuts and bruises so far. This must be fun... Wind up cleaning a dozen fish. Too tired and sore to try for more. Got to get to bed early in order to catch the ferry in the morning.

Oh yeah - remember the broken valve on the poop tank. Well, it is still stuck open. Good news is it is only partially open allowing only the fluids to escape. Regardless, this is not good as when it finally gets fixed, there will be a ton of stuff stuck in there. The other problem is when I truly need to empty the other tanks, the first thing I am met with is a flow of extremely obnoxious CRAP. I guess that is why they made 5 gallon buckets. Boy, am I getting good at catching shit (in more ways than one as you will soon find out) and dumping it!!!!! I am now an official member of the brigade, the bucket brigade, that is!!!!

OK - it is Sunday morning and we make the ferry. We will be on it about 6 hours to Whittier and then have about a 2-1/2 hour drive to Soldotna on the Kenai peninsula. Hope there is a spot available at the RV park in Soldotna. The fishing for Sockeye salmon will have to be excellent in order to make up for the small catch of the pink salmon in Valdez.

OK - it is time to try to interject a little humor in here. Of course, my sense of humor is somewhat bizarre at times. But I spotted this ad and couldn’t help but think these marketing geniuses needed a proof reader. No need to tell you the product, but the ad reads as such-
BUY 3 AND GET THE 3RD ONE FREE
WHAAATT??? Who the hell came up with this pricing plan? I'm still trying to figure out how this works. Maybe I'm just a little to fussy about this crap. After all, there are more important things in life than worrying about how some of these people actually hold their jobs!

Good news! We have a spot at the RV park. However, we have to share connections with our neighbors from Calgary. Vanda, Rocky and Cliff turn out to be 3 fun people. We share this spot for one night and then move down to a spot overlooking the river

The fishing turns out to be really SLLOOOWWW! So slow that most are not able to get their daily limits! But those damn Canadians (Vanda, Rocky and Cliff) always seem to do well. I guess they just have the knack. In any event, I am getting some fish. The good news is they are much bigger than the sockeye that I have caught in the past. They average about 2 lbs. heavier than previous years. I even caught some that were in excess of 10 lbs. Christa did not do to well at this spot. So, one day we went out for Halibut. Nothing real exciting, but we got our limit of 2 fish each winding up with about 28 lbs of filets.

In spite of the poor fishing, we are having a good time and then it is time for Christa to leave which happens to be the day after my birthday, the 27th of July. I still haven't had time to go thru all of the cards just yet. HAHA! Anyway, on the afternoon of the 27th, I am fishing and Christa is bored, so I guess she decided to rummage thru some of my paperwork in my desk when she discovered the itinerary for my girlfriend's arrival which happens to be the next day. Pretty stupid of me to print out the itinerary so she could find it. DUH!! Of course I chose to not tell Christa of JoAnn's pending arrival because of;
A. I didn't see the need to
B. It seemed like it would lead to another strange conversation.
C. It was none of her business.
D. All of the above.
E. None of the above.
F. You pick a different one and let me know. (Scoundrel is already taken!)

OK - so here is the story leading up to how this could have possibly occurred!

JoAnn, my girlfriend, is supposed to take the trip with me. She opts to only go on the final leg due to her not wanting to be away from home for 6-7 weeks as she has a grand daughter with special needs. So, the plan is for her to fly in at some point along the way. There are other friends that will be coming as well. I don't have those dates while we are making the plans. In the meantime, Christa finds out I am planning a trip to Alaska and tells me that she would love to go. ME - are you crazy? She, NO! Me - we just went thru a period where we hardly talked with each other and the small confined area in an RV is not good for 2 people that are not getting along to well. So, the answer is NO! She asked a few more times in the next few weeks and finally found my vulnerable spot when she offered to pay 1/2 the expenses. So, I relented. Especially when the price of diesel skyrocketed! But only when she agreed to my terms and that was that she had to fly back on a date that I would determine. She agreed. But, as it turns out, it was a rather bad decision as I kept that info from JoAnn and didn't tell Christa that JoAnn was going to join me at some point along the way. Some things are dumber than dumb!

In any event, I deeply hurt them both thru my stupidity and have asked for their forgiveness. So, as you might imagine, there were some stressful times ahead for all concerned. Especially when Christa got pissed and called JoAnn.

Well, some will not like what I have caused to happen. But this scoundrel got in big trouble by lying and now I'm airing the dirty laundry. This probably won't clear the air, but I'm giving it a try! See TN, I can still find ways to screw up. Some flaws stay with you. But this lesson has been learned!

In any event, things eventually got somewhat straightened out and JoAnn arrived as scheduled.

But, there is more to come----------------

So, please stay tuned for the remainder of this looney trip. I don’t know how you're doing, but I'm having trouble staying focused.

The wrap up in a few days or so....

TO BE CONTINUED---------------------------

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Bob's September 10, 2008 email
TRUST ME - IT GETS BETTER AND WEIRDER!!!

First of all - enough of the dirty laundry. Suffice it to say, I got a lot of comments!!!!!

So, now I think I am cursed and here we are at the beginning of the curse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This crazy saga continues. The following stuff is absolutely true and only for those that don't already deem me somewhat crazy. Well, I guess that leaves most of you out! HA!! The final edition starts off a little slow. But don't worry as it will build!!!

I am doing a load of laundry in the rig. YES! I have a washer/dryer combo. Normally, I would start the load and go fishing or whatever. But for some cockamamie reason, I stay in the rig getting caught up on some other stuff, like crisis management, when I suddenly hear this noise coming from the kitchen sink. WHOOOPS!!! The drain valve is shut and the washer has filled up the holding tank and is rapidly filling the sink. HOLY #@!&*! I race outside and open the valve. But not in time as I find a few quarts of water have overflowed the sink and have deposited dirty, sudsy water on my already dirty carpet. OH WELL. Get out the mop and towels and clean this mess up.

The following day goes by slowly as most of us are waiting patiently for the fish to arrive. Then it is time for me to drive 2-1/2 hours to Anchorage to pick up JoAnn. I am thinking that the 2-1/2 hour drive back might not be all that pleasant! But then, it just might be possible that she changed her mind and went to Tahiti. Well, you already know that didn't happen, but I think she considered it. In any event, the drive back is pretty good until we got within 2 miles of the RV park. That is when Momma Bullwinkle and her child decided to cross the highway RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!! Well, momma (the REALLY BIG one) manages to get across the highway as I go into a panic stop. There is nowhere to go to avoid this little guy as either side of the road only offers up a ditch which is not very enticing. Well, as luck would have it, The little guy (probably stands about 6' tall) gets spooked by the sound of my diesel and he puts it in high gear to cross the road. Sorry dude, but your life is about to end and I will be waiting for a tow truck! But wait! As he goes into high gear, he loses his footing and slips to his fore knees. I manage to just narrowly miss him as he is still getting up. WHEW! THAT WAS TO CLOSE!!!! By the way, just a little bit of trivia, but do you know why there are so many moose hit on the roads at night???? Well, you probably didn't even know that they were getting hit at night! But, not to keep you in suspense anymore, the reason is that their eyes do not reflect the headlights. Therefore, they appear as nothing more than a shadow. OK - maybe the curse was just my imagination!!!!

Morning arrives and it is now Wednesday, the 30th of July. We have a beautiful view of the Kenai River from the rig. Too bad you can't really tell from the picture. WELL, YOU CAN'T TELL ANYTHING AS THE PIC DID NOT COME OUT.

The next pic is taken from the bridge looking back at the boardwalk where we do our fishing.

But the view does not include any fish as the fishing continues to suck and we finally head to Homer for some silver salmon fishing and maybe a Halibut trip.

AAAAHHHH!!! The vagaries of the fishing rules and regs in Alaska. They can and sometimes do change on a daily basis.

I descend into one of my favorite fishing holes in Alaska. Why, you ask? Well, if the fish are in, it is almost impossible to get skunked. So, I rig up with a very strange rigging that I learned from the Russians. It is very effective and almost always results in a hookup (with a fish, that is). No sooner do I get started when a peace officer by the name of officer LaRaine approaches and asks for my fishing license. Luckily, I have it on me. After reviewing my license, he informs me that he will be giving me a citation. WHAT??!! I haven’t even caught a fish and I'm getting written up. What for? I ask---- For using illegal equipment. What is going on here? I use the same setup all of the time. Not any more he informs me. I tell him that I have read the rules and regs and there is nothing in there that specifically disallows this. He claims that the rules were changed 2 years ago. TWO YEARS AGO AND THEY HAVEN’T PUT IT IN THE RULE BOOK!!!! I don't say anything, but I am clearly upset as the curse seems to continue. I have to wait 15 minutes while he writes up another guy for keeping a snagged fish. This has really put a crimp in my attitude as well as my desire to see another fish. He then goes back to his vehicle and I wait another 10 minutes. He finally comes back and informs me that the change isn’t in the regs and he is going to give me a verbal warning. CURSE LIFTED! Then he sits down next to me and we have about a 45 minute chat about his career, my career, and everything else going on in the world.

The next day, we go Halibut fishing on a half day boat which costs only $95 per person. This is a REALLY GOOD DEAL! We each get our limit of 2 fish with JoAnn getting 2 of the biggest fish boated that day They run about 35 lbs. a piece and I have to crank them in for her. WHAT A WIMP!!!!!! Pic of our catch!!! The 2 big ones on the right belong to you know who!

After getting them vacuum packed and in the freezer (about 50 lbs. of filets), it is time to kick back and have a cocktail. I have lost my desire to fish in my former favorite fishing hole. BY the way, here is a picture taken from the RV park we are in.

OK, it is now Sunday, August 3rd and it is time to head for Anchorage as I have an appointment to get some items fixed on the RV on Monday morning. Goodbye Homer!

The trip is relatively uneventful until we get about 70 miles from Anchorage which basically means you're in the middle of nowhere. All of a sudden, the uneventfulness ends when I just happen to look in my rear view mirror and see one of my trailer wheels LEAVE the rig. HOLY CRAP, NOW WHAT???? I'm not gonna mention the curse again, but this is about to take a REALLY strange turn. I'm not even sure I can adequately describe what happens. But, I'll try.

I retrieve the wheel, but am unable to remount it as the lug nuts are gone and the studs are destroyed. We are on the road for about 30 minutes trying to get this put back together. In that 30 minutes, I'm guessing about 300 cars whizzed by us without anybody offering any aid. So, we limp into Anchorage with 3 wheels on the rig going around 25-30 miles per hour. Well, as luck would have it, as I pull into Anchorage, this guy is hanging out of his car (his wife is driving) and pointing at the trailer. I signal him back that all is OK (yeah, RIIIGHT). But this is not good enough for him. They speed ahead and pull over. He jumps out and signals me to pull over. I decide to humor him. DUH!!!!!!

Well, a long story shorter ( I hope), Frankie and Johnnie (ok, it is really Judy, but Frankie & Johnnie sounds better) inform us that they have been in our situation before and want to help. He and his son are ACE mechanics and they will get us back on the road by noon tomorrow. NO CHARGE, just pay for the parts. We found our guardian angel! They direct us to a nearby RV park. We get situated. He starts to work on the rig getting it prepped. Seems like he knows what he is doing. As it is now past 6 on Sunday night, I offer them a libation of their choice. She declines and he is adamant about knowing better because the bottle has had him in the past. OK - so JoAnn and I indulge. Frankie gives Judy a list of parts we need and dispatches her to getem. He continues to prep the rig and, all of a sudden, announces that he wants to take me up on my offer. Huh, what offer? The drink. Me, are you sure?? I really don't want to contribute to your getting off the wagon. He assures me that all is OK. I give him a whiskey on the rocks (very little water) and he proceeds to drink it ALL AT ONCE! Five minutes later, he would like another whiskey, but could we lace it with a Baileys this time. OK! Once again, one large gulp and it is gone. WHAT THE???? This happens one more time before Judy gets back and informs us that the stores she went to either don't stock what we need or they are closed. She mentions something about Frankie having a drink!!!!!!! Ok, Frankie says we will wrap it up for tonight and he will be back by 8 in the morning. He has lived in Alaska for 30 years and knows everyone that can provide us assistance. Did I mention that this guy is a biker and he is wearing a really large Black Motorcycle jacket. But, they are both really friendly, nice and helpful, I think.

Well, 7:45 in the AM rolls around and suddenly there is a BAM BAM BAM on our door. What the, Oh I guess Frankie is there. Sure enough, I open the door and there he is with his arms spread out in a welcome gesture as he announces "I told you I'd be here by 8!". Problem is, he seems to be already half in the bag! Can I come in? Sure, come on in. We chit chat for a while. Frankie asks if he can take off his jacket as it is rather warm in here. Sure. Next thing, it is 8 and I say to Frankie that maybe we should get on the road so that we can get the parts. He agrees, but wants one thing before we leave. YUP, ANOTHER COCKTAIL!

We go to a couple of residences where either his family or friends apparently live. Nothing happens, but after the 2nd stop, he tells me we need to go to his buddies house as he will get what we need. Did I mention that I was driving because he doesn't. He (according to him) actually took a taxi to our rig at a cost of $18. I tell him I will reimburse him. He refuses. Can't take money from one of his "buddies". On our way to the 3rd stop, he informs me that he needs some cigarettes. He wants me to buy them for him. OK, I give him a twenty and he goes into the mini mart. A few minutes later he is back without the cigs. Seems like they ID everyone to buy cigs and he has no ID. I take the 20 back and go in and buy his SEVEN DOLLAR A PACK CIGS.!!!

Now, we're off to the next and hopefully last stop. On the way, he starts crying as he is telling me how sorry he is for KILLING those 3 people. He really didn't mean it and paid for it with 11 years of his life. GREAT! He is also sorry for the civilians he killed while in Vietnam. Through his tears, he then announces that he really doesn't want to talk about it anymore and that I SHOULDN'T MAKE HIM. I AGREE!!!

We get to his buddies place and Frankie informs me he needs $100 to get the parts. Like an idiot, I give it to him. I drop him off at his buddies and he says that they will be at the rig real soon. Yeah, right!!! Well, we wait about an hour and decide to head for the RV repair place as there is no sign of our guardian angel! So, we unhook and go to the shop. I call Frankie on his cell and Judy answers. She wants to know where Frankie is. ME TOO!!! I don't tell her about the hundy, but I inform her that he left his jacket in the RV. I tell her where we will be and she has my phone number. We are at the RV repair shop from Monday morning until all is fixed late WEDNESDAY. Never did see Frankie or Judy. So, now I own a black leather motorcycle jacket. WHOOPEE! It only cost $107 plus 4 drinks which in Alaska amounts to about another $40. So, I pay the bill for the RV, all $2360 bucks worth and we are out of Anchorage headed for Willow Creek.

Well, if any of you are still reading this nightmare, then I am probably putting you to sleep.

So, as there is still a lot of stuff to get thru before we are back in the states, I will sign off for now.

I promise, the next one won't be so long. I guess this qualifies as the semi-final chapter.

Later,

Bob

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